My alarm goes off...My mental to do list turns on and all I want to do is stay in this little magic bubble of last night's dream world as I am grappling with Thursday Morning responsibilities and goings on.
It is Thursday Morning.
I keep waking up after Wednesday Nights and feeling this thing.
This hangover of Thursday Morning Whiplash...
Of driving too fast on Wednesday Nights and coming to a screeching stop and turn the corner on these final glimpses of last night's dream world.
On Wednesdays, there are obligations and engagements to be kept, however, Wednesday's have become my day for all scheduling purposes that I touch base with my queer community through networking, service, youth work, etc. No matter how triggering or challenging Wednesday's encounters bring, I exist in a Wednesday world which I walk through spaces and take part in conversation about body and gender consciousness, honoring of identity and advocating for our Gender Fabulous Selves.
These spaces are sacred and often exist outside of our community centers in coffee shops and health clinics, squats and speakeasies... Yet some geographical places are more accessible than others to be acquainted with these integrated webs of local community.
We have to go out to find one another,
and some times I'm just too tired.
I am a fluidly trans masculine person who has vacillated between worlds of; community and hermithood, working and hustling, surviving and thriving, youth and maturation, spiritual and material, acceptance and rejection.
I am no stranger to these Thursday Morning feelings of whiplash coming up on some other day - some
NOT Thursday,
but
Whiplash Thursday moments.
The realization of leaving the world of living and loving as my human self, and stepping into a world of constant questioning of pass-ability and perception
as I encounter lengthened stares, whispers of "is it a girl or a boy?,"that big PAUSE.
... Every new group and new person brings the constant:
*figuring out how to read each
other before considering existing
and interacting with one another,
and it just so happens to be something I'm not finding easy to get accustomed to.
Some Thursday Mornings are better than others -
Some people I meet are just plain rad, kind and caring.
Some people are not having such great days.
But here I am.
On a Thursday morning.
Integrating and connecting.
I am just a human -
reaching out on the wires that go beyond area codes to all my Gender Fabulous friends
to give a big high five for going out in the world today and loving your bad ass selves.
For having real conversations with one another.
For asking each other's pronouns and
making an effort to see
Our Selves
and see
One Another.
This is a big "fuck you" to feeling like safe navigation through this world in connectedness and consciousness is "part-time" or "full-time." My SELFHOOD is not my job, or obligation - and I am HERE.
I am a part of this great big web we are always weaving
whether conscious or subconscious.
Gratitude in connection,
Otter-Thon Miracle
(TransManly blogger of HeyThonHey.com)
